


The L Word

by rainbowgoddess



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 03:44:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowgoddess/pseuds/rainbowgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Danny have been in a relationship for a while, but something is stopping Steve from saying the "L" word -- Love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The L Word

Some mornings, Danny Williams woke up with a minor panic attack. He'd look at the man lying next to him and wonder why Steve was with him. Steve McGarrett was a very attractive man. He could have anyone he wanted, male or female, Danny figured. Why was he with Danny?

It didn't help that Steve had never used the “L” word. Steve and Danny had been sleeping together for a few months now, and Danny had never once heard Steve say “I love you.” He knew he loved Steve fiercely, and sometimes he'd tell Steve he loved him, but Steve had never said “I love you, too.”

It made him wonder whether their relationship actually meant anything to Steve.

This particular morning, Steve woke up to find his partner looking at him. “Morning,” Steve said, and kissed him.

“Good morning to you,” Danny said, returning the kiss with enthusiasm. Soon they were all over each other, and Danny temporarily forgot his insecurity.

When they were done, Steve prepared to go for his morning run while Danny rolled over to get a few more minutes of sleep. Steve kissed him, “See you in a bit,” he said.

“Enjoy your run. I love you,” Danny added impulsively. He couldn't read the expression that flashed across Steve's face, and he instantly regretted saying the words.

“I know,” Steve said, and left.

Danny got out of bed. He wasn't going to be able to sleep now.

As he made breakfast, Danny contemplated his living arrangements. It had taken him so long to find a decent apartment in Honolulu after he'd lost his last place that he was reluctant to give it up. Steve had asked him if he wanted to move back in, since he slept here a lot anyway, but Danny wanted some reassurance that their relationship would last before he went to the trouble of moving so soon after his last move. Steve's not saying “I love you” made Danny wonder about the permanence of this arrangement.

The sound of both his and Steve's cell phones ringing jolted him out of his thoughts. Obviously they had work to do, and, just as obviously, Steve had left his cell phone behind. Danny had lectured him about taking his phone with him when he ran, but Steve forgot it on a regular basis.

Kono had told him to meet her, Chin and Lori as soon as possible; they had a murder to deal with. Danny wrote a note to Steve, left him a plate of food and took off. This way he didn't have to face Steve so soon after his partner had blown off his spontaneous expression of love.

Steve arrived at Five-0 headquarters shortly after Danny did. Danny was afraid things would be awkward between them, but he could tell when he looked at his partner that Steve was totally focused on the task at hand, though Steve smiled when he saw him.

The victim in this case was a known gang member. Steve divided up their tasks: Chin and Lori were sent to talk to the victim's associates, Kono and Danny were to go check out his last known address, and Steve would go to the prison to talk to one of the former gang members.

As the team split up, Steve stopped Danny. “Why didn't you wait for me?” he asked.

Danny shrugged. “Kono said to come right away. I didn't know how long you'd be.”

“You just wanted a chance to drive your own car for once,” Steve jokingly accused him.

“Maybe.”

Steve grinned. “Well, I'm giving you a chance to do just that, as long as Kono doesn't fight you for the wheel.”

“I'd rather be going with you,” Danny said.

“I'm sure we won't be apart for long. We'll meet up back here when we're done. Give me a kiss goodbye,” Steve added.

With a smile, Danny did as his partner asked. As Steve walked away, Danny murmured, “I love you,” under his breath.

Danny was happy that he and Steve were able to be open about their relationship with the rest of their team. He didn't want to imagine what it would be like if they tried to hide it. He didn't know if he'd be able to hide it. He had always been bad at hiding his feelings, which is why he had such a hard time trying not to tell Steve he loved him.

As he and Kono were driving, Kono said to Danny, “You know, I'm really glad you and Steve are together.”

“Really? What makes you say that all of a sudden?”

Kono shrugged. “I saw you kissing each other just now. I just want you guys to be happy. Chin and Malia are finally married, and they're so happy it should be illegal. You and Steve are together, and both of you look happy. Now we just need to get Lori and Max together.”

“What about you?” Danny asked. “I notice you didn't include yourself in there.”

With a grin, Kono replied, “Let's just say I'm keeping my options open.”

“Have you seen Charlie Fong recently?” Danny inquired. He was rewarded with a blush from Kono.

“Maybe.”

Meanwhile....

Steve drove away from the prison feeling frustrated. He hadn't gotten any information. The man he'd questioned claimed not to know what his old gang members were up to. In fact, he apparently wanted it that way. He was up for parole soon and had decided that giving up the gang life was the best way to get out of prison. He had seemed quite sincere in his proclamation that he was changing his ways, and no matter how much Steve had questioned him, he couldn't get the man to change his story.

It was probably silly, since it had only been a couple of hours since they'd last seen each other, but Steve missed Danny. He wished now that he'd gone with Danny instead of sending Kono with him. It had just been a way of giving Danny the chance to drive his own car for once, but now he regretted it.

He tried to not think about the fact that Danny had once again said “I love you.” He could tell that Danny wanted to say it a lot more than he actually did. Steve wanted to say it back, but something always stopped him — fear, mostly. Once he said it, there would be no taking it back.

Steve didn't know what he would do without Danny, and he didn't want to find out. The possibility of Danny leaving terrified him. Any time Rachel's name came up, Steve had to push down his jealousy. There were times he wanted to go to Rachel and Stan's house and beg them to stay married. He was afraid that if they divorced, Rachel would go back to New Jersey, and Danny would follow.

Looking at the time, Steve figured that Danny and Kono would still be at the dead man's home. He would go there and see how they were doing. Seeing Danny would make him feel better.

Kono and Danny had found the dead man's home empty and deserted. It was a big house, but run-down and in bad repair. “We have to search this whole place?” Kono sighed.

An alert from his phone made Danny check his messages. “Steve's on his way,” he said. “Says he didn't find out anything at the prison, so he'll meet us here and help us search.”

“You and Steve may as well be joined at the hip for how long you can stand to be apart from each other,” Kono teased.

Danny just grinned and didn't say anything.

“How long before he gets here?” Kono asked.

“Half an hour, he said.” He looked at the house. “Well, it's not going anywhere. I guess we should get started.”

The two of them started at the front door of the house and began working their way in. The home was cluttered with all sorts of trash. “He obviously didn't have a housekeeper,” Danny observed.

Kono was pulling on a closet door. “This door is jammed,” she complained.

Danny took a look and pulled on the door. “How about we both pull at the same time? One, two — three!”

Just as they got the door open, they heard the click. Danny pulled open a window and pushed Kono through. “We have to get out of here — now!” he said as he followed behind her.

The explosion occurred just as they landed on the ground. Danny leaned over Kono and tried to shield her as best he could. “Are you okay?” he asked with a cough.

“Yeah, thanks to you,” Kono responded, trying to wave the smoke away from her face. “What was that?”

“Booby trap, I think,” Danny answered as he got up and brushed himself off. “The dead guy must have had something he didn't want anyone to find. Better call the fire department.” Then he looked at his phone. The screen was cracked. “Guess I landed on it,” he said. “What about you?”

Kono's phone was still intact, so she made the call.

Steve was about halfway to his destination when the call went out on the radio. There had been an explosion and fire at the house where he'd sent Danny and Kono. The explosion had been reported by Officer Kalakaua, according to the dispather. They didn't know if there were any injuries, but an ambulance was being sent.

An explosion? A fire? Steve's heart leaped into his throat. If Kono had called it in, he hoped that meant she was okay, but what about Danny? Was Danny hurt — or worse?

He thought of that morning, how Danny had said, “I love you,” and Steve had said only, “I know.” He thought of kissing Danny goodbye before they'd left for their respective assignments, and that he was pretty sure Danny had also said “I love you,” then, though he'd pretended not to hear.

He'd never told Danny that he loved him. Would he never have a chance to do so?

Steve pushed down the accelerator and sped toward the house.

Kono and Danny were talking to HPD when Steve arrived. Danny saw Steve pull up in his truck like a bat out of hell. He didn't think the truck had stopped moving when Steve jumped out of the cab.

“Yo, Steven. You missed all the excitement,” Danny said as he went to meet his partner.

“Danny, Danny, Danny....” Steve was repeating his lover's name over and over. He looked Danny over. “Are you all right? I heard about the explosion, and they said Kono called it in, but they didn't say anything about you.”

“I'm fine. We got out of there a split-second before everything went boom.”

“Thank God.” Steve threw his arms around Danny and hugged him tightly. “I have to tell you something.”

“What is it, Babe? Is it important? We're kind of busy here.”

“It's very important,” Steve told him. He looked at the police and firefighters around them.

“Let's go sit in the car,” Danny suggested, and led Steve to the Camaro. He could tell that his partner was very upset and somewhat shaken. In fact, Steve seemed more traumatized by the explosion than he was.

When they were in the car Steve grabbed Danny again and kissed him. Then he looked Danny in the eyes and said, “I love you, Danny. I love you. I wish.... I wish I'd told you sooner. But I'm telling you now. I love you.”

Danny was tempted to make a joke that if his almost getting blown up was what it took to get Steve to say “I love you,” then he'd have to get blown up more often. But he could tell that Steve was serious and that it wasn't the time for a joke. So he took Steve in his arms and said, “I love you, too.”

They sat there holding each other for a few minutes until Kono knocked on the car window. “The firefighters say we can go back into the house. The explosion and the firefighting efforts probably destroyed a lot of evidence, but at least the damage was limited to a small area of a pretty big house.”

“Okay,” said Steve. “We'll be there in a minute.” Turning back to Danny, he said, “Are you sure you're okay? You weren't hurt?”

“I'm fine. All that got hurt was my phone.” He showed Steve the broken phone. “Are **you** all right?”

Steve kissed his partner one more time. “Now I am,” he said.

When he got out of the car, Steve turned to a bemused Kono. “Kono, I'm sorry. I should have asked if you were okay. Sounds like that was a pretty close call.”

Kono shuddered. “It was too close. But I'm fine, thanks to Danny. He pushed me through the window at the last second.” She studied her boss and his partner as if she knew something was going on with them — they were her friends, after all — but she didn't pry, for which Steve was grateful.

Steve called Chin and Lori to help them search the house. They were already on their way, having also heard about the explosion. The part of the house that had been affected by the bomb was cordoned off while explosives technicians from HPD combed it for evidence.

Chin, Kono and Lori were quite chatty while they worked, but Danny and Steve were quiet. They stuck close together, and their teammates could see the way Steve kept looking at Danny, as if he were afraid that his partner would vanish suddenly.

Lori was the one who finally spoke. “Okay, guys, listen up. We've taken a vote, and we've decided that it's time for the two of you to quit work and go home — together. So scram.”

“I keep telling you guys that Five-0 isn't a democracy,” Steve protested.

“You're outnumbered, Boss,” Kono said with a laugh.

Danny took Steve by the hand. “Hey, we get to go home early. What's wrong with that? Let's take advantage of it before they change their minds.”

Realizing that this meant he could be alone with Danny, Steve quickly acquiesced. He tossed his keys to Chin Ho. “Take care of my truck,” he said. “I'm going with Danny.”

“Like that isn't obvious,” Chin said with a smile as he caught the keys.

As they were driving to his house, Steve asked Danny, “Do you want to do anything tonight?”

“Like what?”

“I don't know. Go out, have dinner, something like that.”

“All I want right now is to be alone with you,” Danny replied. “Right now and for the rest of the night.”

Steve reached over and squeezed Danny's leg. “Best offer I've had all day,” he said. Then he sped up the car.

When they arrived at Steve's house they headed straight to the bedroom. As they were getting undressed, Steve said suddenly, “We need to talk.”

Danny stopped in the middle of taking off his shirt. He didn't like that phrase. It almost always meant something bad. Everything had been going well — better than well. Steve had finally said “I love you.” Why was he suddenly so serious?

“You must be wondering why it took me so long to tell you I love you,” Steve continued.

“Ye-es,” Danny answered.

“I think I owe you an explanation. There have been so many times that you've said you love me, and I've wanted to say the same thing, but I always held back because I was scared.”

“You were scared to tell me you love me?” Danny asked.

Steve nodded. “I've been scared of letting myself get close to you. I tried to convince myself that we were just having sex, that it didn't mean anything. I knew that I was falling in love with you. I just didn't want to admit it.” By now he was sitting on the bed next to Danny.

“Why did you try to stop yourself getting close to me?”

“It's always been in the back of my mind that one day, you're going to leave. You hate this place. You're always telling me how much you hate it. If Rachel and Stan break up, and she takes Gracie back to New Jersey, then you're going to go back there too. I don't expect you to stay here when your daughter is in New Jersey, not even for me. So if I didn't tell you I loved you, then I could lie to myself and say I didn't love you and I didn't care if you left.”

“What changed?” Danny asked.

“That house blew up, and I thought you were in it. I thought maybe you were already dead without my ever telling you the truth. When I saw you, when I knew you were alive, I couldn't go any longer without telling you that I love you. Because I do. I love you very much.”

Danny kissed him gently. “I love you very much, too.”

“I don't know what I'll do without you, if you leave,” Steve sighed.

“I'm not planning on leaving,” Danny answered.

“Like I said, I don't expect you to stay just for me. I know that Gracie is what's most important to you, and if Rachel takes her back to New Jersey....”

“I don't think Rachel's going to do that,” Danny said.

“How do you know? From what I've been hearing when Grace is here, Rachel and Stan still aren't getting along all that well, even with the new baby.”

“That new baby is the exact reason Rachel's not going to go back to Jersey. Stan won't let her take him 5,000 miles away.”

“I hate to bring this up,” said Steve, “but she was able to take Gracie to Hawaii, and you couldn't stop her.”

“I know,” Danny said, “but this is Stan we're talking about. He has a lot more money to hire a lot more — and better — lawyers than I ever could, which is how he and Rachel were able to win the right to bring Gracie over here in the first place. Ergo, Rachel, Gracie and the baby will be staying right here in pineapple-land.”

“And that means you're staying.”

“At least until Gracie goes to college,” Danny replied. “Maybe by that time I'll have actually learned to like it here.”

“The University of Hawaii is a great school,” Steve pointed out. “The Manoa campus is just outside Honolulu, so it's really close.”

Danny pushed Steve down on the bed. “How about we forget about Rachel and Stan and Grace and colleges and get back to what we originally came in here to do?”

In response, Steve managed to get Danny's clothes off in an instant, before removing his own. Soon enough, they had forgotten all about Rachel, Stan, Grace and colleges.

When they were done and lying in each other's arms, Steve said, “I love you, Danny. I want to make up for all the times I haven't said it. I love you.”

“I know,” Danny replied.

“Danny....” Steve groaned.

Danny grinned and kissed him. “I love you, too.”

END


End file.
